Monday, December 31, 2012

2012's Top Ten

Traditionally, on New Year's Eve, I make a list of the top ten things that have happened in the last year, or things that I am grateful for. I've always thought it was best to look back on the year and focus on the postive, even in years that have been horrible (and I've had a couple of years that I'd rather pretend didn't ever happen.) There have been low points in this year, and a couple of months I'd like to erase, but I'm going to laser-focus on the good stuff. These are the awesome things, the things I'm grateful for, the good stuff from 2012 - in no particular order.

~ I'm healthy. That's a pretty huge deal. I don't think I realized what a huge deal that was until this year, when I got seriously ill for the first time in my life...and I wasn't as seriously ill as I could have been. But I got sick to the point that I couldn't take care of myself, and I didn't like it. And it made me look at things in a whole new light. I am healthy. I am a healthy, vigorous person. That's awesome, and I'm intensely grateful. It's not something I'll take for granted again anytime very soon.

~ I have good kids. Okay, so my kids drive me batshit sometimes. I don't think there's any parent in the world who can't say that. And those Friday mornings, those blessed four hours when I'm kid-free...oh. They're simply heavenly. I watch a lot of kid-inappropriate TV in that time. (This is a half-truth. I have actually caught myself putting the TV on Disney Jr. just because I miss the kids.) But my kids are, overall, GOOD kids. If I ever need reassurance of that, I just go to the McDonald's playplace and sit for 30 minutes. That makes me utterly grateful for what I've got.

~ I'm married to an amazing man. There is no other man on this planet who would put up with the amount of bullshit I dole out. I simply have to be the most obnoxious human being on the planet sometimes. I can't imagine living with someone like me. But he does it - and here's the crazy part - he actually not only still loves me, he LIKES me. Isn't that dippy? 

~ I met some amazing friends this year. This was an odd year for friendship for me. I won some and lost some. But the gains I made were so incredible, just so unbelievably wonderful... I can't tell you how lucky I feel to have met the people I have met and grown close to. The losses still sting, but the friends I won over the last 18 months (and especially since May) have been a healing salve, and I thank God daily for them. They've been a rock in a safe harbor, and I hope they know what they mean to me.

~ I grew as a person. I don't know what more I can say about that. I feel I grew in wisdom, although I have a long, long way to go. It seems like the more I grow, the farther I realize I have to go and the more I seem to realize I'll never get there. But I can't stop running - this race may never be finished, but I can't stop running.

~ I started exercising. Which is just awesome, and I love it.

~ I pretty much achieved baseline. Man, I can't tell you how awesome normal feels. Normal is good. Normal is the way I should feel all the time. Normal is just amazing. I wish everyone knew how awesome normal really is. I wish I could make everyone understand just how wonderful it is to be baseline after being in a dark well of depression for a couple of years... and how terrifying it is to have things coming up that threaten my baseline. But I feel good, and I hope I can keep it that way. 

~ I got to go to New York City on a girls' weekend. I can honestly say, without hesitation, that that was the most fun weekend of my entire life. I wish I could relive it. I relive it frequently in my memory.

~ I started blogging again. Sorry for that. 

~ My etsy shop is actually doing something, and I made money at craft shows. Man, that's ego-boost central right there. People looked at something I made with my hands, they said "hey! That's different, pretty and I like it. I think I will give you money for that thing." And then they gave me money. It gives me a sense of pride and self-worth that I've been lacking for a long time. And speaking of pride and self-worth...

~ I've started mental-health activism again. The happiest, healthiest and strongest I've ever been in my life was when I was working as an advocate for NAMI. I want to recapture that, for a multitude of reasons. it will be an uphill battle, but I feel very good about it. I feel very, very good about this. 

And now for something different (but not completely different...)

Things I want to accomplish in 2013

I want to be a better housekeeper.
I want to jog on the beach when we go in May.
I want to do more with my etsy shop and craft shows.
I want to continue advocating.
I want to lose 40lbs.
I want to run a race.
I want to keep blogging.
I want to go on another date with my husband, no kids. 
I want to spend more time with my friends.
I want to go visit my friend who lives out of town.
Realistically, I know I won't accomplish all of these. But I'm going to try. And that's the point, isn't it? I'm going to try. 

ALL the best to you in 2013, and Happy New Year!!

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