Thursday, May 5, 2011

Here I sit, all brokenhearted...

So, here's what happened today. (spoiler - I didn't have the amnio and we're not having a baby today. Probably not tomorrow. I'm horribly upset.)

I went to the doc with my hopes higher than Paris Hilton on any given Tuesday. I had my bags packed in the car and even my pillow with me. I got back there, signed all the paperwork, laid back, they found a pocket of fluid to draw from, and then it happened. I got faint.

This is actually a pretty common thing when having any kind of ultrasound. It's why they tell pregnant women NOT to sleep on thier backs, but rather on thier sides, especially thier left side. The massive girth of my uterus compressed my aorta, my pressures dropped, and I got faint. The impending faintness made me panic, I insisted that I had to sit up, and that was that. I missed my shot. There is only a certain window of time that one of these can be done in a day at my doctor's office b/c they have to be able to send the results by a certain time. This window was missed today, ergo no baby today. I begged, I pleaded, I apologized, I cried in a hysterical fashion. (I wish I was exaggerating about that part, but it's true. I have not been in such a state in a very, very long time.)

They took me to another room and did a NST (non-stress test.) Katie was also uncooperative during that test...what should have taken 20 minutes took more like 45. I stooped to the level of telling the daughter in my distended abdomen that she needed to cut the crap, and if she didn't behave herself I was going to take back all her pretty dresses and cool toys and make her wear a burlap sack and a diaper. As insane as that sounds, it seemed to work -  they finally got the info they needed (from the NST), and she looks great. Happy and healthy.

Listen, I've had days with my kids where they were just wild and seemed to be going out of thier way to cause problems. All parents have. But a FETUS?? Seriously?? Sigh.

The doctor came in and talked to me once I had calmed down to a level that I was coherent. The plan is currently as follows: he is talking to a perinatologist (preemie specialist) at the hospital where I'm supposed to deliver to basically say "Hey, what would you do in this situation?" After he does that, he's going to call me back. Until then, I'm chained to the bed, and not in a way my husband would enjoy.

I just want to say, this is NOT the doctor's fault. As frustrated as I am, I don't blame him for what he's doing. If he were to try to do the surgery right now without a clean amniocentisis, he would certainly be called up before the board to explain his actions. Without really compelling reasons, he could get in serious trouble for taking a baby prior to 36 weeks without doing the amnio first. He believes he has compelling reason to do it, but he's covering his own ass, and I don't blame him. Although I'm still sitting around in pain. I trust this doctor to do what's best...I just hope it happens soon.

As for me, I'm okay. I'm horrifically disappointed on a couple of levels. Physically, this baby is causing a great deal of pain and discomfort, and I'm ready to no longer be pregnant. My husband, mother, father, and kids are all seriously inconvenienced while this goes on...if I can't function, they have to cover me, and it's put lives on hold. Today extends that. The biggest thing, though, for me, is that I'd really started to believe that I would be holding my daughter by tonight - tomorrow at the latest. I had my heart set on it, to be honest. In my mind, I have somewhat connected this baby girl with Erin, and the delay is heartbreaking for that reason.

Anyway, I'm at home, and when I find out something from the doctor, I will let you guys know as soon as possible.

I can't tell you guys what all the well-wishes have meant to me. Forgive me if I'm not 100% up to talking right now.

Y'all be good,


  1. Hey girl...

    Just think (even in the pain that you are in) every day that little precious bundle from God stays in your body, the healthier and stronger she will be!

    I'm out of town this weekend (go ahead and cuss me now) maybe she won't come til Monday so I don't miss anything!! :)

    I don't want to miss my photo op w/ the newest dwarf in the pack! lol

    I love you girl. I know I haven't been around much and forgive me for that.

    Please call, email, text, facebook, carrier pidgeon, or whatever other means you need to message me.

    Take it easy. If you don't and Chris let's you do too much, tell him I'll kick his a$$.

    *MUAH* Love you! Bunches! Ingrid

  2. It'll be worth it all ...
    I know you're sick of hearing that by now. But soon this will all seem like a far away memory.

    Until then ... know that I am praying for you to get through this. You're a strong woman (you've proved that time and time again), and you will have a stong daughter (that I want to help spoil since I have all boys). I'm proud of you girl! <3

    I really think it's wonderful that your family is so supportive. Prayers to them as well, because I know it's not easy.

    Praying for healing love and light to surround you and bebe gurl <3 =)

    Always ~ T