Monday, June 27, 2011

File this under "Stuff I Couldn't Make Up"

On Saturday, the Hubster and I decided to take the kiddos to the park. It was to be Katie's first big outdoor outing. And mine too, to be honest. We waited until really late in the day because we thought the heat may be too much for the kids, particularly Katie. That was our excuse anyway. In all honesty, the real reason is that I'm so fat and out of shape that I just couldn't get my big butt in gear any earlier than that. So there. How's that for laying it all out on the table?

Chris had been telling me about about this amazing park that was just off the beaten path and is just perfect for toddlers. He insisted we simply had to go there. So we did. Here's how it went down.

First, you have to drive by a huge-ass park to get to this park. And our destination wasn't far from the park we had to pass, only about a block away. Yet they are two separate entities. The first park is nothing but a huge field with a sign that says "DO NOT PRACTICE YOUR GOLF HERE." All of this was (and remains) confusing and amusing to me.

Second, when we got to the little park we were looking for, I saw that Chris was right. It was truly perfect - a preschooler's paradise. Where there used to be basketball goals on the asphalt, they had put nearly a dozen ride-on toys. The toddler-appropriate playground had sand instead of mulch on the ground, and came complete with toys. Playhouses were all over the place for the kids to run in and out of. It was easy to navigate with the stroller...even my bulky, evil double stroller. There were huge shade trees everywhere. Hills and trees made a natural barrier. still my heart...benches! In the shade! Then came the downside. We circled the park - TWICE. And there was NOWHERE TO PARK!! WTF? We ended up having to go back to the no-golfing field and park there.

Let me preface this next bit by saying I usually take my camera with me everywhere I go. I never know when my kids are going to do something cute, or for the first time, and part of my pathology is that I want to remember everything. So, I try to keep my camera. If you look at my facebook page, you can see that I'm pretty obsessed with taking photos. This time, I forgot it. I regret that deeply now.

When we got there to park, there was a group arriving for what I initially thought was a wedding. It took a second before I realized it was a photo shoot. These people were dressed in what they apparently thought was renfaire gear, but it was the shoddiest, saddest excuse for renfaire clothes I've ever seen - including one girl in a store-bought witches' costume, complete with traditional witches' hat. (To be fair, [or 'faire', excuse the pun] one of the dresses was really pretty and well-made, although far from accurate.) I tried hard not to stare and just stole glances as I struggled with pulling the stroller out of the trunk. Then it happened...they started pulling their instruments out of their vehicles.

Their electric instruments.

I'm not kidding. There was a guy standing in a park wearing a tunic, tights, belt and sword....with a fender telecaster slung over his shoulder.

Chris and I walked off, trying so hard not to laugh out loud. I didn't want to be rude, I really didn't. So we just went to enjoy our evening in the park and figured that would be the weirdest thing we'd see all evening.

It almost was.

After we walked to the park (or swam, it was so damned humid), we unloaded the kids and I saw the bulletin board with one lonely little sign on it. It read...

"Lost a spear with covered blade?
Call 555-9119 + describe."

It occured to me at that point that I had a camera on my phone, and that I could provide proof that that actually happened. Because, of course, nobody would ever actually believe me. Unfortunately, I can't figure out how to upload it, so until I do, you guys are just going to have to take my word for it. But that sign was there.

I think we might hunt out another preschool oasis.

Let's see, what other news? 'Cause I know you all are waiting with baited breath...

I'm four days into my new medication, and I'm starting to feel just a touch better. My appetite is curbed, I've definitely noticed that. As in, I'm eating the amount a normal human would eat. Chris went to see the Green Lantern last night and I asked him to pick me up a McD's hot fudge sundae on the way home, but I figure one a week won't hurt me, right? My next step is getting out into the sunshine and moving...I just have to work up the courage to do that with two little ones. The logistics are a nightmare, seriously. Keep me in your prayers.

And, to end things on a humorous note, my grandmother is one of the most unintentionally funny people I know. She's been watching this Casey Anthony trial from Day 1, and she's managed to suck me into it. I called her this morning about 9:45 to discuss the latest bombshell, and she didn't answer. Five minutes later, during a commercial, she called me back. Her first words were "I saw you called me. Is it important? I can't talk unless it's important. My trial's on!" And she refused to talk to me. She called me back on the next commercial break and talked for one minute and thirty two seconds...until the lead-in music came back on before she abruptly said "Igottago!" and clicked in my ear.

God, I love that woman.

Love to all,

No comments:

Post a Comment